Many random thoughts:
If only you(dad) did not do that heart bypass......maybe you will still be here
If only i have told you not to do it......
If only we had more time.....
Going back to church not because i am a christian (nv consider myself one) but the hope of becoming one, or learning to be one. I might not become one or i might. I would not know until the day i meet my maker, and he say come sit beside me then i will know that i am a christian. Or HE could say, "you have a place downstair" then i will know i did not make it. But then again, how would i be able to tell anyone? If i see familiar faces in church in heaven you will know we made it.
Many things have happen. Father past away on 10 sept 2015, 11 days later you took your mother (grandmother) with you. 3 months later mother is down with leukemia. How bad can things go? Mother went thru one round of chemo treatment but the result was not good. Tested her brothers and sister for bone marrow transplant by none of them match. Chemo have to continue......
Many things have happen, but what i could thank God for is that
1) God took my father away quick and swift, i am not sure if he feel the pain. but he went away fast, and i thank god for not letting him suffer.
2) God thank you for "giving" my mother cancer and not a heart attack. Atleast you let me have time with her. She have spent her whole life taking care of us, maybe is your way for letting her kids to spent time with her. I am not sure how long we have, maybe months, maybe years. Every phone call from the hospital or random phone number makes my heart stop beating,
God if you want to take my mother away, please do not let her suffer. Please let it be swift.
The future is unclear. What is there to come? will things become worst? what is going to happen?
i am not sure, take a day at a time, doing what i can whenever i can. Life is given by god and can only be taken away by god. Thank you for giving me the chance to say goodbye. God please watch over my family.
