From the moment doctor announce your leaving, on 10/09/2015 @ 2023hrs, i had no time to grief over your death. I had to let my tears flow inwards, comfort mummy n amanda, making plans for the funeral, decide on all matters and plan for life without you.
I was on my way home today after my night class, while driving home alone that i realise that had not properly grief over your leaving. Its was really tiring, to plan your funeral. I cannot cry, for i know it will affect people around. i had to example to everyone that had come to visit your for one last time, how you actually leave. I could not and cannot cry, and had to heard all their praise for you. One after another, table after table, i had to entertain.
Everyone was shock to receive news about your departure. I am still finding it strange that you are no longer around. As i drove myself home today, i think about all the plans i have about have a staycation with you so that you could have lots of time with zander, think of having a family photo taken after i graduate from Uni next year, saw how zander hold both you and mummy hand at Vivo, make me think that there will be many more of such outing for him with grandparents, but that was not going to happen. Tears were in my eyes and i know i will miss you.
Zander kept asking where is Gong Gong, he knew that you are no longer around, coz he said you are tired and needed to sleep. Seeing your coffin slowly moving away, zander simply say "Gong Gong go home" waving his hands and say bye bye gong gong. carrying him in my arm, with tears rolling in my eyes, i told him, "yap, yap, ah gong go home liao"
Uncle Don came to find you everyday of the wake. spending alot of time talking to you and your secondary friends. He seem very heart broken. Your coffee partner is at a lost, for losing you. He say he have no one else to drink coffee with.
Spending the last few night with you at the wake, walking by your coffin, stare into the glass panel, you look like you are just sleeping so peaceful and at times thinking that you might wake up. When everyone is gone, when i all alone with you at the wake, i finally could sit down to have my dinner, i seat near you, so as to have a meal or last meal with you. I order your favourite pork for the two nites and cater food for people who came to see you. You would have like to treat to them to food and drink i know. You joke on monday, that if you pass away, you will like to be put into the sea and swim with the fishes, we did just what you have wanted. I left nothing to worship you for it will take mummy longer to recover. i only left your photo which could only be display one year later.
Everything have been settle, the future have been planned......you can go in peace.....and i can also rest knowing that all have been done to what you would like to us to do. Go without worries, for all have been taken care of. We will keep smiling. Good nite and Goodbye Daddy.......:)
