Life.....if only......

Many random thoughts:

If only you(dad) did not do that heart bypass......maybe you will still be here

If only i have told you not to do it......

If only we had more time.....

Going back to church not because i am a christian (nv consider myself one) but the hope of becoming one, or learning to be one. I might not become one or i might. I would not know until the day i meet my maker, and he say come sit beside me then i will know that i am a christian. Or HE could say, "you have a place downstair" then i will know i did not make it. But then again, how would i be able to tell anyone? If i see familiar faces in church in heaven you will know we made it.

Many things have happen. Father past away on 10 sept 2015, 11 days later you took your mother (grandmother) with you. 3 months later mother is down with leukemia. How bad can things go? Mother went thru one round of chemo treatment but the result was not good. Tested her brothers and sister for bone marrow transplant by none of them match. Chemo have to continue......

Many things have happen, but what i could thank God for is that

1) God took my father away quick and swift, i am not sure if he feel the pain. but he went away fast, and i thank god for not letting him suffer.

2) God thank you for "giving" my mother cancer and not a heart attack. Atleast you let me have time with her. She have spent her whole life taking care of us, maybe is your way for letting her kids to spent time with her. I am not sure how long we have, maybe months, maybe years. Every phone call from the hospital or random phone number makes my heart stop beating,

God if you want to take my mother away, please do not let her suffer. Please let it be swift.

The future is unclear. What is there to come? will things become worst? what is going to happen?
i am not sure, take a day at a time, doing what i can whenever i can. Life is given by god and can only be taken away by god. Thank you for giving me the chance to say goodbye. God please watch over my family.

Letter to Dad......Goodbye

14/09/2015 (Monday) - 5th day (10/09/2015)

From the moment doctor announce your leaving, on 10/09/2015 @ 2023hrs, i had no time to grief over your death. I had to let my tears flow inwards, comfort mummy n amanda, making plans for the funeral, decide on all matters and plan for life without you.

I was on my way home today after my night class, while driving home alone that i realise that had not properly grief over your leaving. Its was really tiring, to plan your funeral. I cannot cry, for i know it will affect people around. i had to example to everyone that had come to visit your for one last time, how you actually leave. I could not and cannot cry, and had to heard all their praise for you. One after another, table after table, i had to entertain.

Everyone was shock to receive news about your departure. I am still finding it strange that you are no longer around. As i drove myself home today, i think about all the plans i have about have a staycation with you so that you could have lots of time with zander, think of having a family photo taken after i graduate from Uni next year, saw how zander hold both you and mummy hand at Vivo, make me think that there will be many more of such outing for him with grandparents, but that was not going to happen. Tears were in my eyes and i know i will miss you.

Zander kept asking where is Gong Gong, he knew that you are no longer around, coz he said you are tired and needed to sleep. Seeing your coffin slowly moving away, zander simply say "Gong Gong go home" waving his hands and say bye bye gong gong. carrying him in my arm, with tears rolling in my eyes, i told him, "yap, yap, ah gong go home liao"

Uncle Don came to find you everyday of the wake. spending alot of time talking to you and your secondary friends. He seem very heart broken. Your coffee partner is at a lost, for losing you. He say he have no one else to drink coffee with. 

Spending the last few night with you at the wake, walking by your coffin, stare into the glass panel, you look like you are just sleeping so peaceful and at times thinking that you might wake up. When everyone is gone, when i all alone with you at the wake, i finally could sit down to have my dinner, i seat near you, so as to have a meal or last meal with you. I order your favourite pork for the two nites and cater food for people who came to see you. You would have like to treat to them to food and drink i know. You joke on monday, that if you pass away, you will like to be put into the sea and swim with the fishes, we did just what you have wanted. I left nothing to worship you for it will take mummy longer to recover. i only left your photo which could only be display one year later. 

Everything have been settle, the future have been planned......you can go in peace.....and i can also rest knowing that all have been done to what you would like to us to do. Go without worries, for all have been taken care of. We will keep smiling. Good nite and Goodbye Daddy.......:)

16 / 06 / 2013 - Father's Day

It's really Singapore Father's Day - and on this day i was made a father. Both baby and mother is doing well!! They say life after having a child will never be the same. No more freedom, many many late nites, no more romantic dinner with your wife, no more mid-night movie, no more sleeping till the afternoon on the weekend and waking up just to eat lunch and back to the bed and be lazy. And we have not been on a trip for the last 2 years. I fully agree this is life changing!!

BUT when you see the following photo, u must agree is all worth the giving up.

The smile that even after a tiring day, how bad the day might be, how sleepy we might be our son will always be there to melt our heart. He is now 8 months old and is learning to crawl. Every milestone that he crosses is a joy, but is the daily smiles and hugs that he gave to us makes every work day more meaningful. He loves to smile, even to anyone in the lift, he is a cheerful baby, and has been a easy baby for us.

We were never train is this trade (parenthood), as is a on the job kind of thing. Its interesting feeling to be a parent. Hard to explain. On one hand you wish they would learn everything as soon as possible, on the, you wish they remain at the manageable size so that you dont have to worry about them falling down when they start to walk and crawl. You also wish to bring them to all the places like Zoo, oversea, show them the world but you know they wont understand any of that or remember them when they grow older.

I really dont have a aim or topic in mind when im writing this post, just a sudden feeling, and a sudden feel like writing something feeling.

We never knew our baby had learn how to sit on his own, until we were approach by this photo shop on the top floor at West Gate called - FLASH by Morffew 

They approach me and ask if i have heard of their company before, and i said "no" coz i really dont, and was more interested in the baby spa. But at this time my wife came over and say "yes" "yes" - so the salegirls and my wife straight away were in the same female channel and started talking about their service and how nice it would be to take photos of our son.......so our son ended up half naked in the middle of the shopping mall and posting for the camera. But he was happy to keep smiling at the camera for a good 20mins. This was when we found out that he could actually sit by his own.

Our Life have been made more colorful with his invasion. But anyway this post is delegated to my beloved wife who is in the next room, in her dreamland. She has been supportive and handling the baby most of the time when i need to work and study. Thank you so much, weekend bring you go gai gai lah. hahaha

It's Been a Looong Looooong Time .......since i blog / post / write

If you need to use this!

You will end up having these!!

Then you need to attend these class

Learn how to use the Ipad or teach the baby to like Ipad

This is to keep the baby "Quiet" - Just joking

New Place, New Stuff and a New Life!

Our slogan for the house

Normal Tv console

Our cozy corner

Something i do to disturb my wife

Our Dining table

Our Corridor

My collection

Hotel style hotel

Our living room

Finally and finally the house is done. Not 100% done, but atleast is in a condition that we can live in. I like my house because it bring wealth to the people around when we first selected the house and also when we took the keys. To chinese like us it a good sign, but im just happy that people around get a little fortune out of my house.


After moving in for about 2 months, my wife presented to me a gift. A new life! A new family member! Yes, i know, i play apart in this new life, but was not to expected to have him/her sooooo soon. Yes, of coz im overjoyed! that is y till now, after 1 month of knowing the news, and settle down, thou i still smile to myself from time to time, im now able to come back to my blog.

Actually, i think i was the first to know that my wife was pregnant. i had a dream one night. In the dream i was carrying a baby, i assume it's a boy as the baby have no hair, (but most baby have not much hair to began with. In the dream there was also 3 other person, both my in laws and my wife.

I must be carrying the baby in a weird or dangerous way, as i saw my in law faces were like they seen something horrible. i remember change from carry to holding the baby hands straight up and make him walk, that was when the in law faces changes. There faces give me the, "what the  hell is he doing to the baby!!" At this time, mummy was busy shopping as usual. the next thing i know i woke up. I told the story to my wife and i told her that i think she is pregnant, then she just "hahaha" and went to bath. As it was not the time of the month yet so she didnt care much about it, and think i was trying to be funny.

My wife went for a short business trip and came home telling me that she miss her, (u know lah), so i told her i knew my dream was truth, which was verified and confirm with a test kit, which is not cheap thou!

This took place like 1 and half months ago, but im still very happy and high.

It's not easy to example this excitement and happiness in words, especially when im not good in language. it like drinking lots of coffee plus lots of sugar, u cant sleep, u keep smiling, u cant do yr work, u start thinking what yr next Gen will look like, how he or she will behave, boy or girl. I still find myself suddenly "stone" and smile to myself, some people caught me doing it, but i cant of dun care.

i lost quite abit of sleep after receiving the news, in fact, quite a few weeks of sleep. I find the whole pregnant thing very amazing! Im not a science student, nor someone interested in how human came about, but im amaze by how a baby is form! i something stop to wonder that this can only be done with the help of God. For someone who have not been to church (a place where i found my wife), for quite sometime, i am truly amaze by what God can do. Truly thankful for the chance to be a father! How to make liquid turn into something so solid? and we are not talking about ICE! Anyway, to deep for me to understand.......now i can only protect the "factory" and our "product"......! 

This blog is not to share how happy im but to share how much i like to thank my wife for willing to have our child. I know it not easy, not that i have gone thru it, but what i can see! My wife stop eating meat, which is not normal, (please dont become vegetarian) im bit prepared for that change! the physical change, the also tired look, the :P""  (vomit) almost everyday (whole day). Sure dont look easy to me.....Salute to my wife! ........Its a new day, its a new life......and im feeling Goooood!!!

10 Weeks Feels like Forever!

It's been a long while, been so so busy with packing, studying working and the Reno works......now let's back track the works that have been done.

Before

After

After

This is the common "public style" toilet. We have decided to seal off the door at the service yard and install a door along the corridor.

Brick for our wall

Floor tiles have arrival too!

Wallpaper for master room

wall paper

Study room

Wall paper

 We have also decided to install wall papers on two walls to hopefully make the place different. Simple yet unique, we just hope it blends in nicely........

Floor Ceiling

Floor Ceiling

Floor Ceiling

Add caption

Living room

Living Room

 We visit the house when ever our ID inform us that new things are up, so are able to take some progress photos. It seems every slow when you are very eager to see the end product, and it sure feels like forever. Somehow we just feel like "y cant everything just be fix at one go!?", hahaha, then we can move in within 2 weeks. But maybe if they can do it in 2 weeks i might expect them to finish in 2 days. 

Thou we come out with the concept we wanted, but the ID was there to make sure we dont go overboard with our "weird" design or thinking. Somehow, our parents are always thinking that we will doing something silly and weird......my father would think that im going to paint the wall black, and make the place like a cave. Or my In-laws will think that we will buy cheapo dining table that can only sit 2-4 pax and it will wobble.

Sometimes i would think are we really that weird? or issit just that all parents would think their children are alway doing something silly.......maybe it's just our track record......hahaha

I wanted to have a purple wall in the master room, but i think it does not really feel right for my wife. im also fine with pink.....but i think im pushing my luck too far.....wahaha

When we start see these things we know we are see the ending soon! yapee! Glass door up, wardrobe and cabinet start coming in, hopefully there are enough storage space in the house. 

To be continue..........